Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
