I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
