I wish I could teleport
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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