how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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