He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
