i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
