he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
