Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
