I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
