fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
