We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
