I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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