I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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