Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
