First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
