that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
