remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
