i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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