So drunk its hurt
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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