The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize