Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
