i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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