Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
