haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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