she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
