Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
