I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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