Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
