You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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