The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
