Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I smell stomach acid.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
