the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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