So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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