Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize