dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
