sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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