Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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