Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
