Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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