can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
