Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
