I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize