I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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