Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
