Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
