I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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