Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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