did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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