Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Less talking, more tequila
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
