I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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