You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
