I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
