shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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