guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
