i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was confusing and full of hummus
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize