I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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