Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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