Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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