When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
