Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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