Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
