the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
