a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This girl is more easily done than said...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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