well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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