don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize