fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
