I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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