I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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