After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
